Monday, May 09, 2005

A short story-2

The Dawning of Truth

He felt ashamed. Not in the worst of his dreams did Dev imagine that he could drink. He was the kind of guy who got people that drink pissed off so easily by giving them all sorts of advice and ridiculing them when they failed to listen. He was arrogant, they thought. But he believed he was doing the right thing and strongly believed that
drinking should be totally banned. After all, it had no positives, he reckoned.

Prakash was cleaning up Dev's vomit. They were roommates for 2 years now. Prakash remembered the day when Dev vehemently refused to let him store one beer bottle for one night in their refrigerator.
"Bring that bottle in and i am out of this apartment. I dont give a damn as to what kind of lease i break", Dev had said.
Prakash knew he had no choice there. The bottle was out and Dev had won the bout, which was never really there.

Dev was beginning to get back to his senses. His head still ached a little. He had drunk 8 bottles of beer and a couple of vodkas, all in his first ever attempt at drinking. It was the seventh time he vomitted that night which was being cleaned then...
Dev was crying now. Prakash walked up to him and put an arm around Dev's shoulder.
"I am sorry for what i did Prakash", he mumbled.
"It's ok. I understand why you did what you did. You never really had a choice", Prakash was feeling sorry that Dev broke up with Shweta.

Dev had dumped Shweta earlier that day. They had been seeing each other for over a year now.
"I dont have the courage to tell my parents, Shweta", Dev had said with tears in his eyes.
"I can talk to them Dev. Don't worry. Am sure they'll like me", she had tried her best to be convincing.
"No Shweta. It's not worth it. I cant put them through all this just to make our love successful".
The words had hit Shweta like a spear. There was tears in her eyes then.
"So our love means nothing to you? Why did you have to tell me your love in the first place then?", she had asked.
"It does mean a lot to me. I can never forget you. But my parents are more important to me, Shweta. I am sorry", he had left without saying another word, tears flowing down his cheeks.
She had not stopped him.

Prakash's arm was still around Dev's shoulder.
"I am not sorry that i broke up with her, but i am sorry that i did not let you store that beer bottle for one night. I never gave you a choice. I love Shweta a lot, but my parents wont give me a choice. Now i know what it is like to be left without a choice, Prakash. I am sorry", Dev was crying like a child.
Prakash patted his friend.
"Do you realize that you never gave Shweta a choice today when you broke up with her? If you are really sorry about not giving people a choice, you should go back to her and give her the choice she deserves", Prakash said.

The first rays of dawn came rushing in through the windows...truth had dawned.

18 comments:

Akshay said...

Nice One

Meaningful

Jammy said...

good work Ramm. Expecting to see more of your work in the future.

Vetty Max said...

Ram karuthulla kathai...but somehow the fact that one cannot tell his parents that he loves someone seems a little outdated to me.

Heidi Kris said...

Ram i dont find any karuthu in this except that Dev was very strict with people who drink.. but then even if it is a story, why give it such a sad ending? Hope Prakash speaks to Devs parents and bring Swetha and Dev together :)

Prasanna said...

ram, good one da.. my suggestion is to make the ending even more subtle. apparently it was subtle enough that sri didnt understand it!!! :))

Ram said...

Thanks Aks.

Jammy- thanks. I already get the feeling that my standard is coming down :P...am not sure if i can write more. lemme see.

K7- thanks. Well, i considered giving some strong reason behind it like "Dev had a brother who married the girl he loved and abandoned his parents" or something like that...but i did not want to lengthen the story any further. i'll try to be more realistic and elaborate in my future ventures(if any).

Sri-
1. The ending isn't a sad one. I thought the last few lines would convey that. Dont worry. Dev will talk to Shweta first and then to his parents and i am sure they'll like Shweta!
2. The karuthu i tried to say was that we shouldn't try to impose our views on others. Dev being strict with people who drink was exactly the anti-karuthu of what i tried to say here.
3. "Even if it is a story" ellaam illai, "IT IS A STORY- A FICTION".

Thanks PV. Am not sure if u really mean that the end should be more subtle or the whole thing was part of ur joke about Sri's comment :D...anyways, i'll keep that in mind.

Prasanna said...

ellai da ram, i seriously think it can be more subtle... of course, i must allow u ur own poetic freedom!!! if u had mentioned somewhere earlier the time (4:30AM for instance) and then in the last line u could have subtly mentioned that the sun was rising, and prakash drawing the blinds or something like that. what i mean to say is that the statement "truth had dawned" should be implicit not explicit. it MAY be better that way is my opinion... but dont u worry, i am not giving you no choice :) its a classic case of american english..i dont want my drink with no ice :P

Ram said...

ok PV...as far as your instance goes, i think i was way too subtle. I did mention that he drank for the first time that "night"...so people know it's night time. I also said he drank a lot...which means it must be well past midnight, and most importantly, I did not mention that the rays came rushing in through the windows immediately after Prakash spoke those words...Dev was thinking about the whole thing and when it was dawn, truth had dawned on him.
Nee solraa maadhiri dhaan mudikanum nu nenachen..without actually saying "truth had dawned"...but somehow felt that it had to be there...

Prasanna said...

"I did not mention that the rays came rushing in through the windows immediately after Prakash spoke those words...Dev was thinking about the whole thing and when it was dawn, truth had dawned on him."

that is an assumption u r making da.. to me it seemed like it was immediately after prakash spoke those words...and the imp thing is that it doesnt matter WHEN it happened, all that matters is the subtlety... anyways, i guess its a trivial point...

waiting for ur next one!!!

Ram said...

yeah...but i expected people to see my assumption. if u notice, i have left a line spacing between sets of paragraphs and that space indicates a shift in time period(rewind or forward) in the succeeding paragraph...one of my subtleties that went unnoticed, i guess :).

Aravind said...

beautiful story!.....very subtle and sweet......one doubt... is it autobiographical?

Ram said...

Aravind- Thanks and No it isn't!

redphi5h - Thanks...

Heidi Kris said...

:) Ram

Luckykid said...

i smell something fishy
itna detail main tere ko kaise malum??? who do u think u are ... DEV??
kya baat hai ekdam writer shiter ban gaye aap to!!!!

Ram said...

hehe nirya...kya karoon yaar? have lots of time to kill and people like u to read what i write :P

Jamuna said...

i can never write stories like u :) ...
anyway thanks for having the patience to read so much of my blog. y dnt u snd ur mail id 2 me ill reply 2 all ur comments, it'll b silly 2 post replies here... once again thanks 4 reading my blog and 4 ur comments

Ram said...

hey Jamuna...i think anybody can write the way i write if only they had the time and inclination...i have given out my email address in ur blog. Thanks for visiting...

Prasanna said...

ahem ahem!!!